The Perils of E-Mail

As is typical in many cases these days, a recent trial involved the display and reading of hundreds of e-mails back and forth, both between the parties and within each company. 

One of the employees of the other side was, well, rather crude in making certain comments.  His comments involved sexually-oriented anatomical references to his spouse, among other less than polite tidbits.  Since they were included in the same paragraph with key communications, we had no choice but to read them into the official record.  (Why the other side didn't redact them as "personal" before producing is beyond me.)

The author was in the Courtroom, and noticably squirming when the e-mails were read into the record, and blown up onto a large screen for all in the Courtroom to see.  There were certainly some chuckles, and a rather stern look from the Judge.  This employee's crude and impolite writings are now public record, and were seen by his company's Board of Directors and major investors, most of whom were in court at the time, and all of whom have access to the transcript.

I know it's been said before and will be again, but it is a crucial lesson that we all forget from time to time.  Keep professional communications professional, even within your own company.  Avoid personal comments.  One never knows where your e-mail will end up.

Post-trial thoughts

Now that I have had a couple weeks to digest the trial from hell, a few things have been on my mind.  Trials are the worst thing any paralegal will endure, except maybe unemployment.  Trials suck.  Elephant balls.  Trials suck elephant balls.  Paralegals find themselves preparing documents, researching law, arranging meals, baby-sitting clients, running errands, handling emergency needs, coordinating with co-counsel, and even running to Wal-Mart to pick up random things people forgot.  All of that in the same day.  Don't expect to sleep.  Eat whenever you can, because there's no telling when you will get a free minute to get food again. 

Trials are evil.  The only thing good about them is that they end.

Lawyers as Witnesses

Towards the beginning of the recent trial, one of the opposite side's witnesses, an in-house attorney, kept trying to steer attention away from certain portions of documents.  I'd swear he started resorting to trying a Jedi Mind Trick on the Judge:

Witness:  "You don't need to read the rest of that contract..."

Judge:  "I already have.  It torpedoes your entire testimony thus far."

Witness:  "That paragraph is of no consquence to this case..."

Judge:  "You are directly contradicting me.  Have you ever heard of contempt of court?"

Witness:  "ummm..."


That was an interesting day. 

Things I have learned during Trials

1.  Preparation will set you free, but it only lasts until the first cross-examination.  Then everything goes to hell and you spend the rest of the trial working 24/7 to keep up with your attorney's panic.

2.  If you have co-counsel, they will inevitably screw things up, leaving you to get berated by the Judge.  This will happen, sure as the sun rises in the east. 

3.  Help!  There are Zombies in my office!  Zombies, I tell you!  In suits!

4.  You will, at some point, fall asleep at your desk.  Accept this and be glad for the rest you get.

5.  Expert witnesses, while very nice people, are increasingly boring in direct ratio to the specificity of their expertise. 

6.  There are expert witnesses in everything.  Literally everything. 

7.  At some point during the trial, you will consider suffocating yourself in a redwell in the back of the courtroom.  (For me, the first time was a couple years ago.  Hour 5 of expert testimony on pus.  Yes, there are expert witnesses specializing in pus.  See #6 above.  And #5.)