Lawyers are in the business of using language. It's a key part of their job. Why, then, are so many attorneys really bad at communicating effectively? Some of the things I've heard recently need to be put on the internets for posterity:
"Could you get me that thing in that case?" - Yep, I'm on it. Just let me go get the forklift so I can bring you every "thing" in every "case" you have. I'm nothing if not thorough.
"I need you to do me a favor..." - Translation: "Do this for me or else." I actually prefer the latter, it's at least honest and doesn't try to suger-coat the fact that I work for you and have to do what you tell me to anyway.
"dude" - I have a name, and this isn't it. Using this is just a cop-out to keep from personalizing our relationship. That or you just can't be bothered to remember my name even though we've worked together for 6 years.
Some of my favorites are the horrible cliches lawyers employ:
"kick it up a notch" - to what? 11?
"it is what it is" - Strange, I thought it was what it wasn't, or something entirely different from either. Shows what I know.
"head them off at the pass" - This is a law firm, not a freakin' B-movie western. (Yes, I have a lawyer who uses this ALL THE TIME.)
"early bird catches the worm" - Eww. You don't pay me enough to eat worms. Or come in early. Besides, the last time I saw a lawyer do anything early was... ummm... I'll get back to you.
"all in a day's work" - really? Lawyers actually do a full day of work? Could have fooled me.