Welcome!

This is a humorous and sarcastic blog written by a paralegal in a mid-sized law firm in a mid-tier market. The goal is to share some of the pitfalls and foibles encountered in my own day-to-day experiences. Feel free to contact me at aparalegalslife@gmail.com with comments. Complaints, not so much :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

More on the post-apocalyptic rapture

OK, based on the limited massive response, a tiny huge number of my 3 many followers have bought into believe the unfounded guesstimates truth that the apocalypse will happen never Saturday, May 21, 2011.

Based on this crap indisputable scientific evidence, I have decided on the following logical course of action total panic-induced hysteria:

1.  Loot Nordstroms.  Hey, if I have 5 months of Apocalypse to live through, and the world is ending anyway, why not rob them for decent threads?  If there's only a few months left I might as well look good.  And in my backwater hellhole, Nordstroms is the least bad option.

2.  Loot Costco.  Bulk bottled water.  Pallets of Spam.  I own a large pickup.  DO THE MATH.

3.  Best Buy.  Note the lack of a "Loot" prefix.  Pretty sure electronics retailers will keep making money as long as possible despite an apocalypse.  Since I won't be spending my retirement money anyway, why not there?  Stockpile DVD's and Wii games to occupy the spare time waiting for the end.

4.  Gun stores.  Need I ask?  Zombies.  Looters.  Cowboys fans.  My 5 foot long broadsword will only get me so far before the undead get a clue. 

5.  Gas Stations.  I already have a backup generator, so stockpiling gasoline and StaBil is important.  Plus it will power the lights that keep out the zombies.  Not to mention my plasma screen, HD player and Wii.

No comments: