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This is a humorous and sarcastic blog written by a paralegal in a mid-sized law firm in a mid-tier market. The goal is to share some of the pitfalls and foibles encountered in my own day-to-day experiences. Feel free to contact me at aparalegalslife@gmail.com with comments. Complaints, not so much :)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Common Personalities

There are a few personality types that are universal to any significantly sized law office: 
Overachiever – When told to jump, they ask “how high?” on the way up.  It’s even worse when they are in charge.  Always expects everyone else to be just as motivated.

Ostrich – Keeps their head down, avoids trouble, gossip, conflict and extra work.  There for the paycheck and nothing more.  Kryptonite:  Being asked to stay late or work on the weekend.

Douche – Always ready to take credit for other people’s work, or throw a pointless wrench into someone else’s work.  Never seems to be around when hard work is required.  Able to perform under pressure, but only when given no other choice.

Geriatric – Should have retired 20 years ago, but keeps hanging on.  Has little to no grasp of modern technology or methods.  Usually has some random hidden talent that prevents them from being forced out, like a photographic memory or incredible bowling skills. 

Useless – Worse than the Douche, can not or will not perform even the most simple tasks, yet somehow remains employed, probably due to blackmail, nepotism or willingness to perform sexual favors.

Grouch – competent, but not particularly pleasant due to overwork, a personality disorder or both.  Will help out with projects, but begrudgingly and unhappily. 

Martyr – At first eager to take on work, subsequently manages to twist reality to appear as though it was a far larger burden.  Will do their utmost to instill a sense of guilt (after the fact) for helping in a time of need. 

3 comments:

Elizabeth said...

So which one are you ;)

Paralegal said...

I hate Useless the most. I refuse to help anyone who fits that description anymore. It always bites you in the ass. And yes, most of them are there due to their "after hours" visitation in the attorney's office.
Paralegal Hell

kateness said...

Savior-martyr:
Doesn't whine. Doesn't bitch. Knows he's in a position where he can't win. But likes the other guys too much to let someone drive him out of the job. Works hard. Works well. Never lets the shit atmosphere get to him.