Memorandum to the Attorneys

Please take notice that I have officially stopped caring.  Following are some of the reasons why:

Your emergency and/or crisis will be handled in the order in which it arrived regardless of how important you think it is or how many exclamation points you use.  Said order may be influenced by your attitude and ability to act like a reasonable human being. 

There are several dozen attorneys that I work for.  You are only one of them, and in my world you are all equal in how I do my job.  Deal with it.

If I have to stop working on a thing to tell you I am working on said thing, it takes time away from working on said thing.  The more often you ask me about it, the longer it will take to finish. 

I cannot do something yesterday.  Time travel is not currently available, despite what the SciFi Channel would have you believe.  Asking me to do something yesterday will be ignored, as it is not possible.

I have been doing this job since you were picking out a corsage for the Prom.  Please do not treat me like I know nothing about how to do my job.  It’s rude and will make me dislike you even more than I already do. 

I cannot make the photocopier, network or internet go any faster.  Yell at our IT people, not me. 

I have a life outside this office.  I only work here to earn money to make that life easier.  I do not enjoy working late without prior warning.  I do not work here for the thrill of basking in your presence.

You have an ego.  I will not stroke it. 

These are just some of the reasons why I no longer give a crap.  I am not alone in not giving a crap.